Sometimes I Disappoint Me

I disappointed myself in Small Group the other night. As I thought about it, it occurred to me that I’m probably not the only one that does this.

If you’ve been reading this blog, you know I was laid off in early November. The lay off came up in conversation in Small Group. I shared some of my feelings and frustrations regarding being laid off. We had a great conversation.

After our group had left for the evening and my daughter was in bed, my wife and I were sitting on the couch talking. It occurred to me that I had shared more about my thoughts and feelings in Small group than I had one-on-one with my wife. It wasn’t because my wife isn’t a safe person to talk to. She is the safest person in my life. It wasn’t because she isn’t supportive. She’s amazingly supportive. It was because I presumed she already knew.

My wife is the closest person in the world to me. I just presumed that she knew what I was going through but I never communicated it to her. By not communicating my thoughts and feelings to her, I deprived us of emotional intimacy, because she didn’t know how I was feeling.

Now, let me say this clearly, there is nothing wrong with being open and vulnerable in you Small Group. You should be and you will never experience the community for which the group was designed if you don’t. But, the first place to look for love and support should be your husband or wife. Don’t deny them the opportunity to be the husband or wife that God designed them to be. Don’t deny them the opportunity to love and care for you. Don’t deny yourself and your spouse the opportunity to experience emotional intimacy.

What do you do to maintain emotional intimacy in your marriage?

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~ by bryonharvey on January 5, 2010.

8 Responses to “Sometimes I Disappoint Me”

  1. Bryon,be honest,why weren’t you two communicating.It’s not all your fault.This destroyed my marriage”lack of emotional intimacy”.Please forgive my observation.I noticed in your testimony 3rd paragraph down ,1st sentence.What do you notice in that sentence that hindered communication and how can the family correct that?

    • I think I know where you’re going with this. Be careful not too read too much into my statement. If I were to be completely accurate I would have said the closest human to me but that doesn’t read well. God is certainly closer and more important to me than my wife. I wasn’t sharing with Jen, like I said, was I presumed she new what I was feeling. I thought she knew because I thought she should already know.

      Thanks for the feedback though. I appreciate the interaction.

  2. I’ve found myself doing the same thing in Group on more than one occasion. Thanks for bringing it to my attention. Without even being in my SG!

  3. A job loss is a stressor in our culture these days ,something we wouldn’t normally talk about in front of our children.I noticed you waited till your daughter went to bed before you had an intimate conversation with your wife,almost like it was a good time to talk-the conditions were right ,if you will.As marriages evolve in todays American culture is there perfect time to discuss heavy issues like job loss,finances etc. in the presence of our children or do we include them in these discussions?

    • Jen and I have chosen to keep Brenda informed about the situation but we make sure we discuss things first.

  4. Bryon, Marriage & Family centered around God means the world to me.Nothing touches my heart more when I see this.I absolutely cringe when I see them fail.I have no doubt yours is built on rock and will produce years of happiness . I’m certain it will Brother…

  5. Bryon,

    Sadly, I do the very same thing quite often. I assume my wife already knows how I’m feeling and where I’m at emotionally. However, most of the time, she has to bring it to my attention.

    I have been trying to communicate with her more often. I don’t even care if I’m repeating myself. I figure, that way I’m certain I have shared important moments and feelings with her.

    Great insightful post!

  6. I have found this to happen in my marriage also, sometimes finding my husband sharing more with his family on the phone, me with my mine or in a setting with friends or small group. I think for us there is a tendency to take each other for granted, the assumption that one knows what the other one is going through and what is happening in each others lives, even just with the mundane stuff of life.

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